What a beautiful time of year!!!

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I have always loved Christmas!! The fresh white snow(until I have to go outside!!), the beautiful decorations & ight displays, the old Christmas movies,  but most of all I love the music!! That should not surprise anyone!! I love a lot of different kinds of music but especially Christmas music!!The music at this time of year seems more positive in it's message & in it's design!! Even though this is the busiest time of my musical year I still love this time of year!! I love that I can add a little beauty of my own to this time of year!! Every year I look forward to finding out what music we will be doing. I love learning the new music & re-learning the music I have learned before & making even better. Our church Christmas concert is this week-end!! Only a few days left!! The last minute jitters & nerves are setting in!! Will I have it learned well enough? Will I do a good job? Those questions run thru my mind every time but each time it is exactly what God means it to be!! That is just amazing to me!! It never gets old!! Just as God's love never gets old!! Just today I was experiencing some anxiety over a possible medical problem. I decided to turn to healing prayer to help me. I asked God to meet me in the garden of my heart & to put His arms of love around me. I gave Him all of my anxiety & care & asked Him to take it from me. I told Him all about what was happening & how I was feeling even though He already knows these things. I could feel Him wrap His arms of love around me & say, "My child, I love you!! I want you to give your cares & concerns to me!! I want to take care of you if you will just let me." An overwhelming sense of peace came over me!! I feel that I am beginning to understand a little of what faith is. When I gave my concerns & worries to God & told Him that I trusted Him to care for me even if the outcome wasn't what I wanted I think that I began to have a better understanding of faith. The Bible says that "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Heb. 12:1). Faith is being able to believe what God says even if we cannot see how it can happen. Faith is being able to trust unconditionally that God will do what He says. I have had head knowledge of this for a long time but it has taken several years of adversity to begin to come to a heart knowledge. Why am I so stubborn? I guess that it might be that old sinful nature that I just don't seem to be able to conquer!! But with God's help I will conquer it a little more each day!! Merry Christmas everyone!!

An amazing experience!!

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Today I had another session with my counsellor, Carol. We are doing healing prayers, Today I met God in the garden of my heart. What a wonderful place that is!! So much peace & comfort!! It is soooo beautiful there & soooooo peaceful!! There is no pain, no worry there!! I am working on my anxiety & giving that over to God.Carol asked me if I wanted to give my emotions to God. When I tried to give my emotions to God I found that they were stuck!! There were many chains, doors & locks around my emotions. They just wouldn't move!! There was a tug of war going on in my heart. I was even having chest pain!! I was also experiencing fear of a void that might be left after God took control of my emotions. God was prompting me to let go but I couldn't. Then Carol prayed that God would fill the room & that everything else would leave. I instantly felt the chains break away!! I heard God say to me,"Everything will be all right my child!! I will fill any void left in your heart!! Give it all to me!! I will be glad to take it from you!!" I was instantly filled with so much peace I just cannot describe it!!  Great is our God & worth of the highest praise!! My words are so inadequate to try to describe this!! All I wanted to do was fall on the floor & worship!! I felt so unworthy to be in God's presence like that!! But praise God that Christ went to the cross for me so that I could come into God's presence!! I can come boldly now that I am covered by Christ's blood!! All my imperfections are covered as if they were never there!!

I  have come to a surprising conclusion about my healing. I have been asking God to take away my pain thinking that was healing. I have now concluded that God has a different kind of healing in mind!! He wants to heal my soul!! That includes all of me-my mind, my emotions, etc. I'm wondering if maybe the physical healing will take place after that. Or maybe this is all part of the physical healing too!! I don't know but now I am all for it!! God is working thru Carol to heal me! And if God is in it that is the best place to be!! It has been such a very long time since I have felt such love & peace!! I know with my head that God could choose to heal me of my physical pain at any time-He has power over everything!! But in His infinite wisdom He chose not to do it my way but His!! I need to allow Him to heal my emotional pain as well!!

Dear Father God,
I want to praise You & thank you for all that You have done for me!! Today You showed me that even though I thought I was close to You I can be even closer!! That's where I want to be all the time!! It felt soooo good!!  I want to be wrapped in Your love & peace all the time!! Lord-I thank you for the healing work that You have begun in me!! " Thru the storm, thru the night, precious Lord, send the light. Take my hand, Precious Lord-lead me home." Please give me the strength to continue this journey that we have just begun. Lord I thank You for the pain that You put in my head & in my life!! I now know that I would never have experienced Your love in such a way if there was no pain in my life!! I want to shout it from the rooftops!! God is love!! He loves me & He wants to take care of me!! Me, who in the grand scheme of things is such a small, insignificant being yet You have chosen me & You love me!! In my finite mind that is so hard to understand so today You chose to show me so that I might begin to understand!! Thank you!! Today Lord I think that I felt like Moses did when You showed him just a glimpse of You!! Today You showed me a bigger part of You than You have ever chosen to show me before!! All I want to do is fall down & worship You yet at the same time I want to hide!! "Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Let the earth hear His voice!! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Let the people reoice!! Of come to the Father thru Jesus the Son and give Him the glory-great things He hath done!!"Thank you Lord that you have chosen me to do this work!! I pray Lord that you will finish what You have started!! No matter the pain, no matter the physical or emotional discomfort remind me of Your love & care!! Continue to enfold me deeper & deeper in Your love & care until I know nothing else!! Lord-Your love is truly amazing!!

Oh my!!

Where does time go? I can't believe that it has been soooo long!! By way of explanation the busy part of my music year has begun! Choir is in full swing. I am playing for church services & I am also preparing to play for a couple in our church who are renewing their wedding vows. On top of all that I will start giving my grandson piano lessons today! The music I have been learning has been wonderful!! In some cases I am relearning music. By relearning I mean learning it the right way!! When I played them before I just did the best I could. But since taking lessons & learning scales I have learned correct fingering of scales so I have to relearn some pieces.

I must admit that music has not been as much fun lately. A depression has kept me from enjoying many things in life. I am working with a counselor to overcome this & the enjoyment is slowly returning. I love playing the piano & I don't want to lose that love!! There has been much pain lately but I have a new team of doctors & other healthcare professionals who have taken on the challenge of relieving  my pain. Sometimes it is so bad that the only music in my life is in the minor mode. But with the help of God & a wonderful Christian counselor the minor is being replaced by the major!

Life is like music!!

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My music life is starting to get busy again!! Was there really time off? There was but it really flew by!! Choir starts Saturday morning-have plenty to do to  get ready-music & folders, robe lists to organize, music to learn. My lessons will start again in a few weeks so I have that music to work on too!! As I have done more inner reflecting this summer I have realized that life is a lot like my music schedule. How is that you say? There are up times & down times, quiet times & busy times. There are days when I just relax at home, others days that I see a lot of my friends-both human & musical!! Sunday I drove to Mears & saw some very beautiful scenery!!! My first thought was,"Thank you Lord for making this world so beautiful!!! Second thought was to sing the doxology,"Praise God from whom all blessings flow"!! Then there was the swim in Lake Michigan. The waves were high, the sun was shining plus the time spent with special friends-reminded me of the most grandiose music I have ever heard-Beethoven's symphonies!! The melodies & harmonies going up & down & intertwining with each other  & of course the glorious finale!! One such finale gave us the beautiful melody for our  hymn, "Joyful, Joyful." We sang that very song that morning in our worship service  &the message was on being joyful!!! Praise God that life is like music!!

The Good, the Bad & .......

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Well, it has been a long time!!! So sorry! So much has been going on but I'll concentrate on the last few days!! I am finally back to playing the piano. Have started preparing for choir season. Have met with new choir director & things are going very well! I love the music she has picked out & now I have something to work  toward. Here's  a picture of our choir-HAHA!!  I am also looking forward to starting me piano lessons again. I have really missed having that music focus this summer!

The music at church this weekend was amazing. I think I experience a little piece of heaven every time I play during a service. Whether it is at the piano, the keyboard or the organ it is always the best place to sit during the music portion of the service. Yesterday we had an amazing speaker that so energized the congregation that their singing was truly a piece of heaven.

Have also been struggling with some personal issues.  When I am playing or practicing all my problems seem to disappear. Their is no money issues, no pain, no family worries. All there is pure music. THAT truly is a piece of heaven. So-now I am poing to practice!!

In With the New

Well, today will be interesting to say the least!! I am meeting with Krystie to pick out some choir music. Krystie is our new choir director. This will not be hard but it won't be easy either. This is yet another reminder of Pastor Mark's moving away. It seems that as I get older change gets harder. I am not old by any stretch of the imagination so I don't know why I am feeling ghis way. I pray that Krystie & I develop a close working relationship as I have had with other directors. I must not lose sight of my higher calling-to glorify God. I can say that it will be nice to have choir music to work on again.

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Wouldn't it be wonderful to have this many men in our choir?!!!

Well, let's be more realistic!! I'm praying that we have everyone come back from last year!!

Joyful, Joyful

The song that has been running thru my mind since yesterday is "Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee" based on a melody by Beethoven. The melody is truly joyful in nature. Every time I hear it, whether it be in the "Joyful, Joyful" song or the symphony that Beethoven composed it raises my spirits. Yesterday was truly a joyful day! It was one of those rare years that the 4th of July falls on a Sunday. My thoughts centered on the birthday of our nation & how we got to that independence. I remembered how the first people that came to this land came here for religious freedom. The government was telling them how to worship & because they felt the Bible taught them otherwise they set out for this new land. That journey was not easy. Many of them lost their lives. Once they got here they set out to keep this a land of freedom. They battled to win their independence from Britain. In the writing of the Declaration of Independence they stated that this was a land of many freedoms, esp. from government control. There was much reflection on how this information is not being passed on to the younger generations.

All weekend I sensed God telling to play a particular song in the worship service on Sunday. Due to much pain & a recent hospitalization I had not played or practiced the piano in at least 2 weeks. And the book that this song was in was at church so I could not practice at home. But I willed to do what God had asked me to do. I used the song to warm up for about 15 min. It rapidly became clear that God was assisting my fingers to play the right notes!! I had played thru the song a few times over a year ago but had never performed it. I played the song, "A Tribute to America" during the offertory. It was a medley of "My Country Tis of Thee" & "The Star Spangled Banner." It truly was the perfect song for the day. Despite very little work the song went very well!! It truly was not by my own work but by the work of God!! It reminded me again that God is in control of even the little things like my fingers. I have not been able to much this summer due to increased pain & meds that make me very sleepy but I have not lost much of my playing abilities. This has not always been the case. In the past if I did play every few days at least I could really see a difference in my abilities. I now see that God is teaching me to rely on Him for even the really small things. I rededicate my abilities to Him & reaffirm that whatever He asks me to do I will do. Thanks also go to my piano teacher, Ken Bos for his patient teaching of not just physical piano playing but also in changing my thinking about music. I no longer just look at a piece of music for how black it is. I look at the black & see a new challenge. I look at the markings in the music & see how expressive & beautiful the music is. Music is no longer just about playing the notes but playing a beautiful song & really experiencing the music.

Praise be to God for His unspeakable gifts!!

Now what??!!

Music can be full of surprises & so can life!! Just like you don't know what the next movement of a symphony will bring unless you have heard it before life is very similar. One moment everything is calm, serene & beautiful the next it is complicated, dissonent & painful. Yes-even music can be painful!! When all the notes are very close together, when there is a lot of percussion banging thru the melody these can be painful moments in otherwise beautiful music. Lately there has been a lot of minor sounds in the music of my life. Pain brings a lot of minor music in my life lately. I crave the quiet, major chords-the beautiful little melody that calms the soul but lately that melody is silent. All I can hear is the loud, minor sound of my pain. There has been very little physical music in my life lately& I miss it!! I haven't played the piano in over 2 weeks & I can tell. My soul is heavy, there are frequent tears & a constant unsettled feeling. My soul craves it's music!! I miss my music!! It is time that the mourning end!! It is time to move on!! Debussey is calling me!! Scales & arleggioes are calling me!! My fingers crave the movement!! My brain craves the emotion, the desire, the love of the music!! It is time!! It is time to set aside the pain & experience the joy of music again!!

How do I descfibe work last night?

I thought this was going go be something easy to do-maybe I was wrong? What music or musical term can I use to describe frustration, anger, happiness...? Well-let's give this a try!! With so many emotions at 1 time it might have to be a symphony!! The 1st movement of the symphony would be allegro(fast), maybe in a minor mode to indicate sadness with lots of accidentals to make it sound very confusing & needs to change keys every other measure to increase theconfusion!! The 2nd movement would be even faster-maybe vivace & have lots of 16th & 32nd notes-that would really upset the player!! The last movement would be dolce-very pleasant & sweet. It would have a wonderful melody that you remember very easily & hum to yourself for many days. It would bring smiles to the faces of those listening. This melody would be played by the flute of course!! And would have a beautiful piano accompaning it. Then it would have more instuments added 1 by 1 & would swell & swell until the sound fills the auditorium & spills out to the street. This melody would just raise your spirits more & more until you just couldn't help but smile. All of the angry, fast music would be in the past & a distant memory because this new melody would fill your mind & soul. This is the outside part of music.

Does that sound like fiction? Sometimes it feels like it is-today it feels like it is but I know that isn't true. I know that the inside part of music comes from inside of me. Just as the outside symphony music changed & replaced the anger w/ happiness & contentment so I must choose to let go of the anger & frustration caused by others. I am responsible for my reactions & behavior. So for the inside music I will choose to be happy & contented with where I am right now. I want that happy music to show thru. I want to be known by my "dolce music" & not by all the minor, angry, unhappy music that can be caused by others.

Introduction

Every piece of music begins with an introduction so why shouldn't this begin the same way? So-here goes!! I have always had a love of music. I think that I have always wanted to study music but I haven't had time until recently. There were many things that interfered with my study of music-marriage, raising children, divorce, work-life in general. But now my children are grown, Iam empty nesting. I love what I do at work & have no desire to advance any further. I started my study of music 18 months ago by taking piano lessons. Initially I wanted to take lessons to learn exercised to help with the weakness in my hands caused by my headaches. I wanted to keep my fine finger coordination. But it rapidly became more than that. It became a study of my life-a study of ME!! So I have decided to start a blog in order to keep a record of my thoughts, insights, etc. This is the beginning of my greatest adventure!!